You may have noticed that I haven’t been around these parts for a while huh? I promise you, it hasn’t been something I’ve done on purpose. It’s not that I’m ignoring my editorial calendar on purpose either because I’ve got one jam packed for the next two months. And believe me, I want to write and I have plenty to say. But real talk, let’s keep it 100.
I’m trying to hold my shit together. That sounds crazy, but it’s the truth- and honesty is the best policy. I’ve really been trying to hold it together for a few months now. When I first started this blog, I always thought that I’d try to keep my personal life mostly separated. I wanted to maintain some privacy and I feel like that’s a decision I stuck with it pretty well. However, as I evolve throughout life both personally and as a blogger, sometimes it’s okay to air these feelings and sometimes it just has to be done.
I think to say that I’m undergoing a ‘life change’ is an understatement, because I really think this ‘life change’ has been going on for the past year and it hasn’t caught up to me until now. When I lost my dad, it really hurt, bad. I always thought I did pretty well with not dwelling on it because I never saw the point in dwelling on something you couldn’t change- all I could do is remember the great times and all of the important lessons he taught me (that’s what he would have wanted too.) Although I grieved appropriately, I’m still dealing with it- most days are better than others though.
I think that combined with this house flip (which looks AMAZING, and I have no regrets in doing it) has really stressed me out- it’s so scary putting a house that you’ve invested money into on the market. Like, scarier than I thought it was. And there’s really no way to segway into this properly so I’ll just say it. I am no longer in a relationship- it was a respectively mutual decision but you know what, it’s still hard. At the same time though, I feel like I have the opportunity to blossom.
Therefore, I’m moving back to the midwest for a while. You know, I keep saying it’s a temporary thing, and I think I say that to make myself better. The truth is that I feel like a failure for leaving NYC. I know I shouldn’t but I do. However, I think once my mind is clear again, I’ll catch up to what my gut has been trying to tell me- sometimes you just need a break. Sometimes, you just need to slow down, take your time, reevaluate and then keep moving. And that’s okay! And if you’re in the same situation as I am, whoever you are, I hope you believe it’s okay.
I’m really excited for my future and I’m excited to put me first again.
I know this is all a lot of information but I wanted to be honest and to say that I’m trying to get my shit together, and I don’t think I’m the only one out there. Things will be changing around in my life and on this blog (in a REALLY good way!) and I thought it would be so fake of me to keep writing posts without sharing this personal bit of me. It feels really good to have gotten this off my chest AND it’s a great reminder that writing is one of many sources of therapy for me. Sometimes it’s easy to get wrapped up in shareable content and pin-able images as a blogger, but writing your heart out always feels so great.
I’m going to start being more personal and I want to share my journey through life, ups and downs included. This is just a little bump in the road that I’m getting through and I thought it was something I needed to share because eventually, you would have wondered what was up. I know I’m not the only one (speak up if you feel me!) and I can’t way to blossom.
thanks for reading.